I really like this alternate take. Showing the freaky depths of Sylar's very twisted relationship with Luke was squeamishly excellent, particularly that Luke was willing to burn himself without hesitation, just because Sylar asked. The extra thick layer of angst at the fact that Luke being with Mohinder is all leading up to a betrayal is a great dark read.
I particularly loved the dream sequence. I appreciate the symbolism and Luke's agonizing decision, and him waking up to Mohinder's kiss made it just that much more meaningful.
I have some constructive criticism for the middle. The bit here:
On the fourth day, he pulled out all the stops, and it actually worked. And that’s where things started to go wrong. Because what happened next wasn’t supposed to happen at all.
While I know exactly what's happening here, someone who has not read the original story might not understand everything that's going on. What stops? What exactly worked? How did things all go wrong? You explain a little bit in the next few paragraphs, but overall it's confusing. It's like the story stumbles in the middle before hitting its stride again.
Overall however I liked your remix a lot. The betrayal is heartwrenching, and Luke disgust at himself is visceral and immediate. A lovely, angsty, different look at my fic. Thanks Remixer!
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You rock.
I really like this alternate take. Showing the freaky depths of Sylar's very twisted relationship with Luke was squeamishly excellent, particularly that Luke was willing to burn himself without hesitation, just because Sylar asked. The extra thick layer of angst at the fact that Luke being with Mohinder is all leading up to a betrayal is a great dark read.
I particularly loved the dream sequence. I appreciate the symbolism and Luke's agonizing decision, and him waking up to Mohinder's kiss made it just that much more meaningful.
I have some constructive criticism for the middle. The bit here:
On the fourth day, he pulled out all the stops, and it actually worked. And that’s where things started to go wrong. Because what happened next wasn’t supposed to happen at all.
While I know exactly what's happening here, someone who has not read the original story might not understand everything that's going on. What stops? What exactly worked? How did things all go wrong? You explain a little bit in the next few paragraphs, but overall it's confusing. It's like the story stumbles in the middle before hitting its stride again.
Overall however I liked your remix a lot. The betrayal is heartwrenching, and Luke disgust at himself is visceral and immediate. A lovely, angsty, different look at my fic. Thanks Remixer!